


Get yourself someone who can do both

by Gracelte



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, M/M, MadaTobi - Freeform, Madara is a dork, Madara is a recreational con artist, Oneshot, Or I tried to be funny anyway, Tobirama just wants to talk about pretty things, Tobirama to the rescue, Valentine's Day, Wordy, author may have lost control, meddling waitress, pure fluff, self indulgent, sometimes he malfunctions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 03:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16297229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gracelte/pseuds/Gracelte
Summary: He'd been doing this for years. He'd dress for a nice date, appropriate to whatever restaurant had caught his fancy at the time, he'd pick up a red rose (the only valentine-y expense he was amenable to and only because it served a higher purpose), let himself into the restaurant, ask for a table for two(though he most certainly wasn't expecting any company), seat himself and after the first half an hour, proceed to put on the most awkward air he could pull off without overdoing it.





	Get yourself someone who can do both

**Author's Note:**

> Written for prompt: 
> 
>  
> 
>  __  
> Imagine person A trying to scam a free meal in a restaurant by sitting at a table for two and fiddling with a red rose. At the same time, person B does the same thing in the same restaurant while being actually stood up by a blind date. Then the wait staff decide to help them “find each other.”  
>  from [OTP Prompts](http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/post/167589142618/imagine-person-a-trying-to-scam-a-free-meal-in-a)

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St.Valentines Day. A day to celebrate love and romance and everything in between. A day for Valentine's cards, flowers, chocolates and soft, squishy things. Most people spent this special day with the love of their life, or whoever was filling in at the moment.  
  
Madara was not most people.  
  
On a day where people saw love in the air, Madara saw opportunity.  
  
Single he may be but he was most certainly was not going to waste away a day with so much potential. No he did not want chill with a glass of wine in his PJs on the couch while watching a movie, he had no desire to reconnect with old friends- they were out of contact for a reason, no he most certainly had no desire to dedicate an entire day indulging in 'self-love'. Madara grimaced as he recalled the cringy phrasing he'd come across on a self help site years ago when he'd been pathetic and googling 'What can singles do on Valentine's Day'. The 'self-love' had been the last resort.  
  
Now, Madara was a changed man. He may not have had a reason to celebrate Valentine's Day for years but he knew perfectly well how to cash it in. There was no point ruminating on the 'what-if's' and dwelling on the by-gones. He was in no way a cynic, he did still beleive in love. He may not be as eager and wide eyed about it as he used to be in his early teenage years but he hadn't written the concept off. There may be someone out there for him, there may not be. If there was, he was content to wait for them to find their way into his life. Until then-  
  
There was free food to be had.  
  
Casually brushing non-existent lint off his shoulder, Madara couldn't stop the wide grin that split his face, unable to help but feel positively _gleeful_ at the thought of what he was doing. It was unbeleivably devious, borderline Machiavellian and he still marveled that an otherwise straitlaced prick like him would even _think_ to pull something like this. Maybe it was some kind of unconscious rebellion against his stern and austere upbringing, being raised in a family of cops as he was. Maybe he'd just had one too many expensive dinner dates crash and burn. Whatever may be at the core of this hare-brained idea that he'd come up with one gloomy evening years ago, Madara had figured it was about time he started taking back. He deserved a spot of reimbursement for all the horrible luck he's had with romance his whole life. It wasn't like he'd been unattached all the 5 years since he started doing this at 17, but none of them had ever lasted long enough to celebrate Valentine's. The accursed, or rather what he used consider accursed holiday had always seen him alone. It was almost as if the universe was _encouraging_ him. No matter, he rather enjoyed his little tradition. He'd taken back Valentine's Day in his own way. Score 1 for Madara.  
  
He'd been doing this for years. He'd dress for a nice date, appropriate to whatever restaurant had caught his fancy at the time, he'd pick up a red rose (the only valentine-y expense he was amenable to and only because it served a higher purpose), let himself into the restaurant, ask for a table for two(though he most certainly wasn't expecting any company), seat himself and after the first half an hour, proceed to put on the most awkward air he could pull off without overdoing it. Of course, the 'show' began as soon he was seated. Intermittent, seemingly unconscious besotted smiles for the first 15-20 mins whilst constantly checking his phone followed by a progressively decreasing frequency of smiles, tinged with slight awkwardness when directed at the waitstaff at the half an hour mark. Quiet foot tapping and minute squirming at the 45 minute mark, his fingers carefully positioned against the phone as if to detect any incoming texts or calls at the first vibration. By the time it's past an hour, he would've 'devolved' into outright fidgeting, not even being subtle about checking the entrance, toying with the rose he'd so thoughtfully brought his 'date'. The waitstaff have approached him at least thrice by now and when they arrive for the fourth time, he'll cast his tried and true 'wistful' smile at the seat across from him, 'inconspicuously' direct his gaze at all the happy couples around him, shake his head ever so slightly as if to free himself from sad thoughts and finally grace the waiter with a small, uncomfortable smile and order a meal for one. Sometimes, if he's interested in a lot of options on the menu, really hungry or just feeling even more wily than usual, he'll change it up and order a grand meal for two at around the half an hour mark as if he's confident his date will show up, they're just running a little late and yes he wants the full grill platter, it's for two people, thank you very much. There was just something about Valentine's Day that made people kinder, more sympathetic, more _generous_ than usual. And it was this generosity that he was banking on.  
  
It worked like a charm. He's only ever had to pay twice out of the 5 years and 9 times he's done this. Who says you have to hit just one restaurant? Specialty dessert cafés were a thing.  
  
He has this gig down to a fine art. Really, the universe should be thankful he has no taste for crime, not to mention that he was an aspiring cop from a long line of distinguished, celebrated cops. If not, he'd be an excellent con artist.  
  
His ancestors would roll in their decorated graves. They were probably twitching just from what he was already doing.  
  
Madara shifted slightly, fingers tapping on the glossy surface of his phone screen. Would today be another dishonest feather in his unscrupulous hat? Only time would tell.  
  
It was a good thing he'd gotten that manical grin out of his system early in the evening. (and he really hoped it just came out loopy and smitten looking rather than diabolical. Not that it mattered much, it was just the first act and he was an _artist_ with many more aces up his sleeve). It was almost time for the second act and there was no place for lovestuck smiles in this. He settled for smirking internally as he saw the waitress approaching him for the second time. Outwardly, he was all discomfort and a tiny sheepish smile as he politely but coolly requested for some more time as he was expecting someone. When he'd first started out, he'd tried a little stutter to sell it more but all it did was make the waitstaff throw him dubious looks. A stutter was apparently a touch too far for his admittedly hulking, intimidating visage. Detached geniality was the most anyone would be willing to beleive from him and to that he stuck.  
  
"Please take your time," the waitress, a bouncy, buxom blue haired girl chirped extra cheerfully, possibly in an attempt to make up for the slight wince he'd noticed her let slip as soon as he mentioned company. He didn't blame her. It had been over 40 mins since he'd arrived despite that this was only the second time he'd been approached. It was a rather easy-going business, focused perhaps on establishing a niché customer base rather than just attracting a whole bunch of different people that may or may not return. "Thank you," he murmured in reply as he watched her nod quickly and leave, passively wondering if the hair colour was natural.

 

This was good though. The success rate with heavily service oriented businesses was at a100%. He was all but guaranteed a free meal today. He might actually return as a paying customer if he liked the food.  
  
' _But not today_.' Madara mused almost giddily.  
  
God, he fucking loved Valentine's Day.

   

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Tobirama _loathed_ Valentine's Day. He was going to maul whoever had decided that you needed to have a fucking date to celebrate the day and if you didn't, you were just a lonely loser or doomed to become a recreational annual hustler like my brother, live a little Tobes, it'll be great.  
  
Yes, he was going to murder the progenitor of Valentine dating. Right after he absolutely _slaughtered_ Izuna, rending him apart limb by limb slowly while he carved into him like a turkey and he was going to fucking _enjoy_ it and _smile_ as he relished the bastard's tortured screams.  
  
Wincing slightly, Tobirama looked down at his hands, idly noting he'd managed to prick himself on a little thorn nestled among the leaves that the florist had probably missed. It wouldn't have mattered even, nobody clutches a rose right below the hip. The long stem, the usual place for holding the flower was clean and smooth with just the barest brush of that odd fuzz all roses seemed to have. It would've been fine if it had reached it's intended recipient. The only reason he'd managed to prick himself was because he'd been fussing with the flower, twisting and turning it his hands initially out of nervousness and finally out of resigned embarassment when he'd finally realized what was going on.  
  
Nobody liked being stood up after all, especially not on Valentine's Day. Blind date or otherwise.  
  
_'I could've been working on my thesis_ ,' Tobirama thought moodily, scratching his nail through the doily underneath the little blue, knock-off 17th century Arita handmade vase. He was a student of art history, even if as just a minor and he knew these things. Cerise eyes swiveled around the quaint little café. He'd wanted to check this place out for a while, it's one of the reasons he'd even agreed to this farce of a date in the first place. Deciding he needed a distraction, he looked around more closely. It was the most unusual setup, a fusion of semi-traditional Japanese and classical English. The outside seemed like a regular western café at first glance, until you noticed the curved noyane roof and shoji windows. Powder blue wooden framed, stained glass panelled doors led into a customary genkan. The genkan terminated in a short hallway which ended at a lancet archway framed by painted shoji panels and overhanging tsurigane, opening into the interior of the cafe. A bronze, neoclassical, adam style chandelier took up the central portion of the vaulted ceiling, encircled by shoji ceiling lights. The walls were a similar odd mix of English and Japanese indoor decor, rustic exposed wooden beams interspersed with shoji windows, jutting cushioned window seats and floral wallpapered walls. The floor was a pale white oak peppered with round ingrain carpets under every table. The chairs, tables and couches whilst for the most part were the usual you'd find in a coffee shop, they were noticeably closer to the ground with tables at a higher level, another nod to Japanese seating customs despite the western style furniture. A smattering of red streamers, heart shaped fairy lights and Cupid placemats were the only modifications done in observance of the occasion. Discernible but nothing too in-your-face. It was a bit of a mish-mash and from an aesthetic point of view, the whole thing did not really tie together all that well. But it had a warm and welcoming charm to it, that touch that let you know whoever designed it did it with ease and comfort at the forefront and despite the differences that initially seeming jarring, the more you looked around, the more it all seemed to mesh together well. If he had to sum it all up in one word...  
  
'Cozy.' He could see himself revisiting this place- had it not been coloured by this very unfortunate not-encounter. Tobirama sighed gustily. It was too bad, he'd rather liked the hot chocolate too, he mused, lazily sipping from the truly ginormous porcelain yunomi cup.  
  
It was a pity, but this looked like the kind of place where the waitstaff would remember your face and try to talk to you a lot. Like, oh honey it looks like you've been stood up. I'm so sorry!  
  
Yeah, he didn't think his pride could handle being mothered on by overly helpful waitresses on top of everything else.  
  
Sighing, he resigned himself to enjoying his first and last visit.

 

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Fū was no psychologist, but when you've been dabbling in waitressing for as long as she has, even as just part time jobs for some quick cash, you tended to pick up a thing or two about reading people.  
  
It was a lovely day at the café. It was busy but not unpleasantly so. Mostly because everyone was in such a good mood, too busy involved with their SOs to be persnickety and casually destructive like coffee shop patrons tended to be. Fū sighed dreamily, she loved Valentine's. She had her own date to look forward to later in the evening. It was a perfect day. The only thing that could make it better...  
  
She cast her glance towards the two fidgeting young men again and winced, not for the first time that afternoon. It was obvious the two of them had been stood up. Quite high up there in the list of the most humiliating things that could happen to you on Valentine's Day, even if distressingly common. Fū perked up slightly when she noticed a young man step through the archway, all wavy brown hair and blue eyes, classically handsome. She watched him as he quickly looked around, eyes lingering on the long-haired brunet sitting by his lonesome before they paused on the only other person sitting alone. Her eyes narrowed when she saw him grimace slightly as his eyes scanned the albino man before checking his phone and looking at the white haired man again. Mouth quirking down, his eyes swiveled back to the brunet he'd been eyeing earlier. Eyebrows raising in interest, he plastered on a rakish smirk before heading in his direction.  
  
Fū inwardly fumed. It was obvious what was happening here. Brown haired douche was clearly white-haired man's blind date, if the way he was cross checking on his phone was anything to go by. But the sleaze had taken advantage of the fact that it was a blind date to ditch his actual date when his admittedly unusual appearance did not appeal to him.  
  
' _Although, it's probably for the best_ '. If the albino had been her friend, she would have no desire to see him suffer through what would undoubtedly be a shitty date with an inconsiderate asshole. Though, the same could be said for the brunet too. He didn't strike her as the kind of person to suffer fools. Blinking back into focus, she discreetly watched as the douchebag reached the brunet's table, curious to see how this would play out.

  
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Madara's eye twitched as he watched the wannabe Casanova attempt to fill in the blank chair opposite Madara by ingratiating himself to him. If all he'd wanted out of a partner was a pretty face despite how much of a vacuous fool they were, he wouldn't have spent 5 Valentines alone. He'd tried being polite, or as polite as Madara could be on a good day. No, he wasn't on a blind date, he knew who he was expecting so there's no way he was the other man's blind date. No, he did not need the other man, Koji, as he called himself to keep him company till his own date arrived. He was fine thank you.  
  
"It's really no trouble at all. Besides, I'd love to get to know you some more," Koji insisted, undeterred as seated himself in the chair across Madara, winking playfully in a way he no doubt, thought was very fetching, Madara thought irately.  
  
Closing his eyes, Madara exhaled deeply. He'd been about as subtle as an anvil to the head and the moron still refused to take the hint. Koji was unwittingly sabotaging his carefully constructed subterfuge. He was done playing nice guy. He was not going to throw away his tradition for some random sleazeball. That would take someone really special and Koji was **not** him.  
  
Dropping the veneer of polite indifference, Madara leaned forward menacingly with a scowl, viciously pleased to watch the smile slide right off the other man's face. "I want you to listen closely because I'm only going to say this once. I'll try to speak slowly using small words so that it has a higher chance of penetrating your thick skull at least by diffusion if not comprehension. I don't want you here, I don't want your ass on that chair and I don't want your face in my line of vision. I have no idea who the fuck you are and the tedious, vapid persona you have displayed so far has convinced me that I have absolutely no desire to change that. So, why don't you skedaddle before I _really_ lose my very limited patience." Madara bit out venomously, watching in grim satisfaction as Koji jerked back in affront, eyes widened in shocked bewilderment. His mouth moved a couple times as if he couldn't decide what he wanted to say. Finally settling on a sardonic smirk, he stood up, leaning over Madara, "You realize you've been stood up right? Your date isn't coming. I was just trying to be nice to you because of how pitiful you looked." He said smugly, no doubt feeling quite proud of himself for hitting where it hurt or so he thought.  
  
' _If only he knew_ ,' Madara smirked contemptuously, getting right into Koji's face as he whispered, "I'm counting on it." Folding his arms across his chest, he lounged back comfortably into his chair, enjoying the brief look of confusion that crossed Koji's face. Throwing one last sneer in Madara's direction, he stalked back the way he had come, growling at the poor waitress near the archway who chirped at him to come back soon. He attempted to slam the door behind him but the effect was lost with the heavy, self closing door. He only managed to jar the overhanging bell which clanked cheerfully, as if in direct antithesis to the exiting patron's desires.  
  
Madara snickered to himself. Good riddance. If the whole smarmy production hadn't been enough to put him off, the behaviour with the waitress certainly was. You could tell a lot about the kind of person one was by the way they behaved to waitstaff. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Madara sighed quietly. The whole episode had done nothing but remind him of his abysmal dating history and why he was so choosy about his partners. By this point, it didn't even feel like a con anymore.  
  
He deserved that free meal dammnit.

 

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' _Don't I deserve to catch a break_?' Tobirama thought morosely as he stared at the blue haired waitress smiling apologetically at him.  
  
"I'm sorry Sir, I really do hate to do this but rush hour is starting soon and and it's Valentine's Day and well.." She gestured helplessly at the glaringly empty chair across Tobirama, too polite to actually say it.  
  
' _Well it looks like you have no need for a private table,_ ' Tobirama finished bitterly in his head. He sighed internally, he could just leave now, he was halfway done with his drink and he wasn't Hashirama that he couldn't bare the thought of abandoning chocolate.  
  
But he _really_ liked the place. And the fact that he'd probably never be able to bring himself to come back made him want to linger some more. Besides, Izuna was out for the day, probably the night too and he had no desire to dwell on his depressing Valentine not-date all by his lonesome in the empty dorms. Tobirama looked over to the table the waitress had requested him to relocate to because lo behold, it seemed he wasn't the only customer in the café having poor luck today. He couldn't really make out much about the person except that he was clearly a man, evident from his broad, defined shoulders despite the mass of long raven hair that trailed down in a thick pony down the man's wide, muscled back.  
  
Tobirama bit his lip. How bad could it be? Did he really want to avoid a casual encounter with a good looking stranger that badly that he would rather slink back to his empty dorms with his tail between his legs to do absolutely nothing but sulk for hours? Despite his brother's and Izuna's accusations, Tobirama really wasn't antisocial. He was just _selectively social_. People just tended to exhaust him easily. But today felt like a day for taking chances. He'd already had one botched blind date, he may as well wrap it up with another botched encounter.  
  
' _Or it could be good_ ,' Tobirama mused, despite himself as he stood up, grabbing his mug as he strode towards the table, the waitress quickly following behind. They'd both been stood up, maybe they could commiserate over that and strike a conversation? Maybe he'd make a new friend? Who knew. Izuna would be proud of him and cry that Tobirama was a real boy afterall.  
  
It was bound to be entertaining, if nothing else.

 

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Carefully situating herself into the prepping station, Fū couldn't help but feel insanely proud of herself.  
  
The meeting between the two brunets had been about as disastrous as she'd imagined. She'd been half scared it would come to blows when the two had leaned dangerously towards each other, no doubt exchanging scathing remarks judging by the looks on their faces. She'd been so relieved when blue eyes had apparently decided to cut his losses and stormed off, leaving no casualties behind safe for a teary Matsuri who'd only been trying to be nice. Fū sniffed disdainfully. Her initital impression of him being a douchebag had been right after all. Fū had an eye for people.  
  
Just like how she had an eye for romance.  
  
She watched in quiet satisfaction as the brunet and the albino conversed quietly. She'd collected their orders a while ago and she was done prepping their plates but she wanted to give them as much alone time as she could before she'd have to, inevitably, barge in to serve their food.  
  
_'I'll make sure the others don't bother them much'_  
  
She'd been scared to try this. While it was a fairly common practice in most restaurants to insist that the customer buy something more than just a drink, (or even anything at all as was the brunet's case) or give up the table, that wasn't really how they did things in Aoi Café. Her manager had already motioned for her to come meet her in his office for pulling her little stunt. But she'd seen the two getting more and miserable as the afternoon wore on with no sign of their dates whilst being surrounded by happy couples and her meddling admittedly nosy self couldn't let it go. It was fairly obvious to her that they swung the same way or were at least bi. Albino had had that date with the very much male douche. Brunet had been far more interested in her hair colour than her face or even her tits-something she'd come to expect from most male patrons. It had seemed an obvious choice from where she was standing but hadn't been able to think of anyway to get the two of them to see that. Shifting one of them was the only option she could conceive to make this work. Being stood up on the same day was hardly a conventional basis for a relationship but Fū was too much of a romantic to allow a potential cliché coffe shop romance slip her by.  
  
Realizing she'd loitered long enough, she picked up the orders and made her way to their table.  
She just hoped this didnt blow up in her face.

 

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It couldn't have been more than 10 minutes since Madara had managed to rid himself of the brown haired pest before he felt another presence looming over him. He sighed internally, it seemed today was a day for harassment for him. Madara looked up from his perusal of the menu and had just opened his mouth with the intention of telling the other person off when he caught sight of the man.  
  
Madara froze, breath caught in his chest as he took in absolute _adonis_ before him. The man was tall and lean, the whipcord muscles of his arms and chest visible, but not conspicuously so, through the light material of his black turtleneck. The inky colour of the fabric provided sharp releif against the ethereal paleness of the rest of him. The smooth, supple column of his neck that _begged_ to be marked by Madara's teeth and lips, curving upwards to form a defined, tapering jawline. A narrow nose, ever so slightly upturned at the end. Sharp, slanted red eyes watched him expectantly but Madara couldn't for the life of him remember if the man had even spoken, let alone _what_ he had asked, not when he was too busy admiring the snowy locks that capped the man's beautiful face, spiky and curving around his ears and lying on his forehead in a boyishly tousled way.  
  
If Madara wanted this man to have even a _passably_ favourable impression of him, he would have to recall how to breathe within the next 5 secs, preferably unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth as well.  
  
He barely heard the blue-haired waitress contritely explain how they were short on tables and since the two of them had been sitting alone she'd figured they could share a table and she was really sorry about the inconvenience.  
  
' _Inconvenience_?' Madara thought, bewildered. He was going to give the girl a massive tip, conveniently forgetting he'd had no intention of paying for even his food that afternoon.  
  
Awkwardly clearing his throat, Madara let out a nervous chuckle. "I zoned out for a bit there. Apologies. What did you say your name was again..?" Madara got out before grimacing inwardly. He wished one of these days, he'd just choke and die on the foot he constantly put in his mouth. Whatever the man's question may have been, he highly doubted he'd just waltzed over and introduced himself before Madara could even acknowledge him.  
  
"I didn't." The man replied, amused, just as Madara had feared. "I just asked if it's okay for me to sit here." He finished, voice a low, deep purr that had Madara toes curling in his shoes.  
  
He was so screwed.

 

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Tobirama watched, highly amused as the man seemed to have some kind of internal conflict before he nodded jerkily, murmuring a quiet 'Please, be my guest' as he motioned to the chair. Tobirama inclined his head in thanks before he seated himself, idly observing the man as he brushed off the waitress's apologies with a little wave before saying he'd like to order. Tobirama had never concerned himself over much about appearances, had never let it influence what connections he formed. Being of rather unusual appearance himself had helped him form an objective opinion on the topic, filing looks as secondary to everything else. That didn't mean he couldn't appreciate beauty when he saw it. While it wouldn't have mattered much either way, he was gratified to see was right about the stranger being _very easy_ on the eyes. Long black hair was pulled back and away and from a heart shaped, tanned face which was framed by sharp, spiky bangs and an asymmetrical fringe. Straight nose, thin lips, downturned eyebrows framing what was probably the most iconic of the man's features, apart from his hair, a pair of the deepest, darkest obsidian eyes he'd ever seen on anyone apart from maybe Izuna who was a close second.  
  
What a gorgeous specimen.  
  
There was however, something about the man that was nagging him in the back of his mind as he placed his order. He couldn't put his finger on it but it felt like something he should know but hadn't quite picked up on yet.  
  
Tobirama inwardly shook his head. Now was not the time to dwell on it. It'd come to him. For now, he had a very good looking man to make acquaintance with.  
  
Tobirama leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table as he pulled his mug closer to himself.  
  
"Tobirama," he offered, smiling slightly as the man seemed to snap to attention at the sound of voice.  
  
"What..?" The other man asked, blinking owlishly as he fiddled with the collar of his white button down.  
  
"My name. You'd asked me my name. It's Tobirama. Nice to meet you..?" Tobirama trailed off questioningly, sticking his hand out for a shake.

 

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' _Get it together you idiot_ ,' Madara growled to himself as he quickly shook hands with the- _Tobirama_.  
  
' _I've been single far too long_ ,' Madara bemoaned to himself. And if he kept acting like a brain dead idiot, he would continue to remain single.  
  
"Madara. And likewise," he intoned, trying for a charming smile which more than likely came out looking a little terrified. Despite how much he enjoyed his annual Valentine scheming, he did not wish to do this for the rest of his life. He hadn't been lying when he said he still beleived in love, even if Izuna had written him off as a hopeless cause.  
  
Admittedly, he knew nothing about Tobirama beyond the man's overwhelming attractiveness, there was just something about him drew Madara in. If he'd only been concerned with looks, he'd be sitting here with Koji.  
  
' _Not that the idiot could hold a candle to Tobirama_ ,' he thought, entranced by long, feathery white lashes that swept chiseled cheeks everytime the man blinked and Madara _swooned_. He had apparently completely lost the knowledge of how to woo someone.  
  
Kami help him.

 

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Tobirama quirked an eyebrow at the name. Madara, he'd definitely heard that name before and it was _not_ a common one. His eyes widened when it all came together for him. The exquisite but definitely familiar facial features, those eyes especially, the name. An uncharacteristically huge grin spread across Tobirama's features that would've scared anyone who knew him well. Tobirama grinning like could only mean two things. Either he'd had a breakthrough in his research or he was about to do something that would annoy someone a great deal.  
  
If this went well, he'd hit two birds with one stone. Even before he'd realized what he did, Tobirama had been genuinely atttacted to the other man and had definitely wanted to see if anything could happen there. But knowing what he did now, he was _very interested_.  
  
And Izuna was just immature enough to act all territorial and fussy if he found out Tobirama was hitting on his brother.  
  
It would serve him right for setting Tobirama up on his fluke date though the being stood up part wasn't really Izuna's fault.  
  
Out of the eight months he'd known Izuna and been roommates with him, the other boy had constantly kept up a running commentary on anything and everything that came to his mind.

Tobirama smiled fondly as he thought of his friend. Izuna really was the perfect counterbalance to Tobirama's own reticent nature.  
  
One of his favourite topics to soliloquy on was his older brother. While it mostly consisted of complaints, Tobirama knew Izuna adored his older brother in that wide-eyed little brother way he could relate to, being a little brother himself. Izuna talked about Madara so much that Tobirama often felt like he knew the man personally though he'd never met him.  
  
' _Until now_ ,' Tobirama thought as he watched Madara fidget while staring at him, darting his gaze away when Tobirama looked back. It had painted a very intriguing picture and now Tobirama could finally talk to the man instead of knowing him viscerally. What a day to accidentally meet though, Valentine's of all days. Wait a minute. Hadn't Izuna told him something about Madara's valetine's tradition?  
  
Tobirama grinned. Oh he was going to enjoy this.  
  
"Madara. Not Madara Uchiha?," he finally replied after a few moments of awkward silence. "Izuna Uchiha's brother?," he finished, waiting for the other man's reaction.

 

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Madara shifted uncomfortably, he may have just met Tobirama but he knew a wicked smile when he saw one. The other man's reply however threw him for a loop so hard he momentarily forgot all his uncharacteristic nervousness and discomfort.  
  
"You know Izuna?" Madara demanded, wincing when he realized he'd answered a question with a question. Clearing his throat, something he to seemed to do way too much around Tobirama, he replied, "I mean, yes. He's my little brother. I'm guessing you're well acquainted if you recognized my name so quickly." Madara let out a nervous chuckle. If Tobirama knew his name, then knowing his brother, Tobirama also knew far more about Madara than he'd ever care to share with a stranger. He was going to _hit_ Izuna.  
  
"Well yes. Your name has come up once or twice," Tobirama replied in a way that made it evident it was _way_ more than once or twice. Tobirama smirked. "He also told me this really interesting story about how you've spent your Valentine's these past few years." Tobirama finished, raising both eyebrows in the most sardonic look of amusement Madara had ever seen.  
  
  
Scratch that, Madara wasn't going to hit Izuna. He was going to _strangle_ the little shit when he got his hands around the tyke's scrawny neck. In that moment, as he felt heat crawling down his ears and cheeks, spreading down to his neck, Madara keenly wished he'd been an only child.  
  
"I- well, that's. It's funny. Like a good joke?" Maybe Madara should just strangle himself. The only joke in this scenario was him. "Kill me now," he muttered under his breath, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes  
  
Miracle of all miracles. Tobirama did not get up and stalk away from Madara's shady, verbally challenged self. If anything, he just looked highly amused, dare he say, positively _tickled_.  
  
Madara was saved from shoving his foot further down his gullet by the arrival of the waitress. The repreive was short lived though because as soon as the waitress had left with a bright 'Enjoy!', he heard quiet chuckles and looked over to see that Tobirama was laughing and judging by the way he'd try to stop himself only to descend into laughter again everytime he caught sight of him, Tobirama was laughing at Madara.  
  
Madara thought maybe he should be offended at being laughed at by the most likely younger man if he was Izuna's friend but really, Madara mused as he stared, placing a hand upright on the table and propping his chin on it. For that smile, so unfettered and twinkly-eyed, he'd gladly make a fool of himself all the time.

 

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Tobirama had tried, he really had. Madara had been nothing but an awkward mess since they'd met. An adorable one but awkward nonetheless. He'd almost reached his limit when the other man had essentially covered his face after giving the most half-assed explanation in the history of half-assed explanations but he'd managed to rein himself in. When Madara had thrown that desperately grateful look to the waitress for interrupting them however, Tobirama _lost it_. He'd barely managed to hold off until the waitress had cleared their hearing range before giving himself into mirth.  
  
And he couldn't stop. Everytime he'd look at the man, he'd remember the deer-in-headlights looks and descend into fresh laughter.  
  
Madara, for his part, seemed to have given up on being embarassed and had gone straight into resigned acceptance if the way he was quietly looking at him, patiently waiting for him to stop was anything to go by. The man had, _finally_ , made himself comfortable, slouching forward ever so slightly, his right elbow folded on the table whilst the left propped up his chin as he stared, eyes full of- was that adoration or was Tobirama just projecting?  
  
Sobering down, Tobirama cleared his throat, determinedly ignoring the flush he could feel creeping down his cheeks. It was about time the two of them began acting like the adults they were.  
  
' _Just one last thing_ ,' Tobirama promised himself, picking up his fork and poking at his anko custard, "Do you reckon they'll let me have this for free as well?," he asked innocently, biting his lip and carefully not looking up when he heard the weirdest combination of choking and offended squeaks.

 

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Madara squawked in offence as he briefly contemplated bolting out of the café but if this was Izuna's friend, someone he considered close enough to blurt Madara's entire fucking _lifestory_ to, then he was bound to meet him again some time or another. Attempting a graceless retreat at this point would do him no favours.  
  
Once again, Madara attempted to coach himself to not be a _complete fucking idiot_ at the very least, if not suave and charming like he dearly wished. Madara watched Tobirama as he raised a small piece of custard to his mouth, pink lips wrapping around the end of the fork to the pull the cool sweet in. He briefly rolled it around in his mouth before swallowing, blissfully unaware of Madara intent gaze watching the rise and dip movement of his throat, the bob of his adam's apple.  
  
Madara swallowed but otherwise managed to speak in a fairly neutral tone, tinged with just the barest hint of teasing. "That depends, really. Where you stood up?," Madara joked, figuring Tobirama had just come alone for some coffe, unable to imagine something like that could happen to someone like Tobirama. He regretted his presumption when he saw the pale haired man grimace, the briefest flash of annoyance, not hurt, Madara noted thankfully passing through his face before he shrugged indifferently.  
  
"Blind date. As you've guessed already, the guy never showed up. Izuna was the one to set it up actually. He's going to be disappointed," Tobirama replied blandly, taking a sip of his drink and completely missing the dawning horror on Madara's face. Thankfully, his expression was clear again by the time Tobirama looked up to smile reassuredly in response to the unconscious little distressed noise he'd made when he realized his faux pas. He would've never joked about it if he knew that was how it actually went down. And Madara thought he had a pretty good idea who was  
responsible.  
  
' _That little-I should've socked him_ ,' Madara thought, bristling internally. It really couldn't be a coincidence. And there was no way the asshole had missed Tobirama, it was a relatively small café. It was deliberate. Madara knew Tobirama's looks weren't classically handsome, nevermind that Madara thought him the most striking man he'd ever seen. But he wasn't a narrow-minded imbecile and he could see a half-wit like Koji struggling with something like this and veering off towards, what he would have presumed to be, the easier option which happened to be Madara in this case. Not that Madara was complaining too much, Koji being an idiot had only worked out in Madara's favour. He only regretted that the two of them had to suffer his foolishness, directly and indirectly before they could find each other. He briefly toyed with the idea of telling Tobirama of the entire debacle but dismissed the idea just as quickly. It would serve to do nothing but maybe hurt Tobirama and he had no desire to salt his wounds.  
  
Returning a careless shrug of his own, Madara pulled his dorayaki closer. "Well, it's his fucking loss. He has no idea what he's missing out on," he replied emphatically, taking a hearty bite of his dessert before looking up; warmly pleased at the startled look Tobirama gave him, pale features flushed like an anime bishounen as he gave a little nervous chuckle.  
  
"So Izuna told me you were in your last year of college, what do you plan to do after?" Tobirama asked, clearly trying to change the subject, much to Madara's amusement but he allowed it. Answering questions meant he could ask questions of his own and he had a lot of things he wanted to ask Tobirama.  
  
' _Even if he blushes so prettily. Hmm, some other time maybe_ ," Madara promised, letting hinself be pulled into easy conversation.  
  
_'I want this man_ ,' Madara thought dreamily as he listened to Tobirama ramble on about feudal era tatami gusoku. He barely heard the waitress when she came over to tell them their food was 'on the house!'- the entire reason he'd been here in the first place. He did however get jolted back into reality when he heard her say, "consider it our Valentine's present for the new couple." He stared at the blue haired girl, dumbstruck while he panicked internally because what would Tobirama _think_ , what if he didn't want this and Madara was reading too much into it and now the waitress had scared him and what was he going to do! His internal monologue screeched to a halt as he finally whipped his head around to look at Tobirama to gauge his reaction.  
  
Unbeknownst to him, Tobirama had been mirroring his exact thoughts minutes ago. Only, it seemed Tobirama was at least smart enough to tell when someone was into him and so didn't waste any time on shyness and modesty. He smiled softly at Madara, mentally snickering at the worried look he shot him before inclining his head at the waitress, "Thank you. And it's all thanks to you," he said conversationally before turning to throw Madara a little wink. "I think you broke him though," he deadpanned, peering at Madara, curious and amused.  
  
Madara's brain had indeed short-circuited at the easy acceptance of what was apparently their new status quo and when he'd received that saucy wink, his circuits had been completely fried. All but emergency services had been shut down in his brain with only a single coherent thought floating around his head, a stupid meme of all things ' _Oh, so this is what we're doing now, okay_.'  
  
Snickering, Tobirama decided to take matters into his own hands or they'd be here all night. Standing up, he went across the table to Madara's side, grabbing his right hand from where it rested on the table and gently tugging at him. Madara came along easily as Tobirama led him to the exit.

 

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Fū watched from afar, deeply satisfied as she watched the two men leave. Albino guy poked at the brunet once they reached the genkan, motioning at him to put his shoes on. That seemed to finally jerk the brunet into awareness. She saw him grab the other man's arms, pulling him close as he mouthed something to him. The white haired man seemed to find it very amusing, the way he laughed delightedly causing the brunet to pout and mouth something else, repeat the question perhaps, Fū thought. Seeming to realize he was actually serious, the albino murmured something, smiling softly and nodding before placing a quick peck on his lips. The brunet looked to be in danger of going non functional again judging by how stiff he went. The albino seemed to realize it too and apparently had had his fill of human glitches for today because he grabbed the slipping hands on his shoulders, shaking them before gently but firmly patting the other man on his cheek. It seemed to work as the brunet suddenly perked up and pulled the albino fully against him in a tight hug. Fū turned away. She didn't need to see anything else. Even being called into the office was worth it, though to be fair Shibuki had been understanding once she'd explained the situation to him, even agreeing to a meal on the house, they were all about the customers after all. Checking the clock, Fū noted that her shift had ended 10 mins ago. She hadn't even realized in her giddy joy. With a little excited squeal, she bounced back to the staff rooms. It was time for her own romance.  
  
Oh but what a grand story she had for her boyfriend!

 

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Madara could think of a great many adjectives to describe what he was feeling right now, but the most accurate one seemed to be the simplest-  
  
' _Content_ ,' he mused, surprised despite himself as he slowly pulled away, his fingers brushing down the hoodie Tobirama had pulled on when they came across a slightly raised, rough surface. Curious, he pulled back to see what it was, his eyebrows flying into his hairline as he read the embroidered kanji on the man's left breastpocket. ' _Senju_ '  
  
"Tobirama Senju," Madara intoned, feeling slightly green around the edges, "Not related to a Hashirama Senju by any chance," he asked hoping, _hoping_....  
  
To his horror, Tobirama nodded, looking curious himself at the mention of Hashirama's name. "Yes, he's my brother. Older brother, but nobody would think it looking at the way he behaves," Tobirama replied, rolling his eyes. He finally seemed to notice Madara's expression. "Is everything okay?" He asked, starting to look a little uneasy. And no, _no_ Tobirama was getting the _wrong idea_!  
  
"You said it yourself, he's Hashirama. He _doesn't_ do normal. I was just imagining his reaction. He's going to have kittens." Madara hurried to reassure his new boyfriend.  
  
Said boyfriend blinked a couple of times, seemingly imagining it himself before he threw his head back and _guffawed_.  
  
' _Yes, content is the word_ ,' he mused as watched Tobirama laugh joyously. It felt like coming home after a long day. It also felt like leaving on a long awaited journey.  
  
_'A home and an adventure all at once.'_  
  
Madara couldn't wait.

 

♡

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be less than 2k. *sighs*
> 
>  
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> I might write a sequel, I might not. I do have some ideas for a brief one shot. Do you think I should write a sequel? Let me know!
> 
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> 
> Comment/review if you liked it. Much  
> appreciated! Thanks for reading. ^^


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